Judgement poisons my moments, bragging infects the soul. A constant buzzing noise and endless activity surrounds my life. What happened to the serenity? The sepiatone loving? The harmony that comes with being happy with yourself and comfortable with those around you? The happiness that exists on its own, that doesn’t need activity to spur it, that is satisfied with just being? Gossip, lies, exaggerations… sometimes I feel like we’re acting parts instead of just living.
I’m learning more and more that it’s essential to my sanity to step away sometimes. To miss out on moments with others to enjoy moments by myself. And maybe that makes me lame, and maybe it makes people feel like I don’t want to spend time with them, and maybe I’ll end up semi-alone with only my honey and dogs that have become a part of my solitude. But maybe it’s okay. I’m realizing more and more that there’s a lot that surrounds me that’s simply not me. That i fell into because of my surroundings, because of my current place in life.
That said, I love my life. I’m just transitioning and looking forward to the time when I can live entirely by my own rules, act for my own happiness, without worrying about what others will think. Looking forward to breaking away from the things that aren’t “me”, clearing myself from the things that threaten to poison and infect. I’m ready to stop acting; ready to be free.
I’m really almost there. :)
